CF Magazine - 4/85 -

The CF Christmas Gift Wishlist | 8 Products We Must Have

I’m not even kidding when I say people have been hassling me about the 2014 Holiday Gift Guide since like, last year. I thought the whole thing was a waste of time since by the time we put it up it was already way too late to buy anything on it. That said, despite all the harassment, somehow I only remembered about it yesterday.

I’ll be honest and admit that I’m not really soaking in any of those product placement emails they keep throwing at me. While some people seem to have been expecting a carefully sourced guide to all things hip in 2015, what you’re actually getting is more of a CF personal Letter to Santa.

Happy Holidays everybody! Maybe next year try offering me samples. <3

The Buddha Board - $34.95

The Buddha Board teaches you the state of transcience by lapping up anything you paint on it. Dip the included bamboo brush into the water tray stand and let your creative side go free on the special surface, knowing any failures – and masterpieces – will fade away over time like the love in your parent’s relationship.

It seems pretty nifty and it would look super classy on your desktop, but I’m a little conflicted about buying this one. Considering anything you draw on the board vanishes, this is thirty-five dollars you’re pretty much just wafting up into the air, but then I guess that’s why I’m not a Buddhist. It definitely beats the hell out of a USB vacuum cleaner though, and I guess you could always snap a picture if you’re really pleased with your work, but that would probably defeat the purpose.

Priced at $34.95, the site states the Buddha Board will ‘gently encourage’ you to value the present, which is kind of like a debt letter, only you have something nice to show for it afterwards. You can also buy little pebbles to put in your water tray for added peace of mind! Maybe get a tiny fish.

Supertrash 18CT Lion’s Head Headphones - €219.95

Freditor showed me an utterly bitchin’ pair of headphones the other day and it got me thinking about my bargain bucket pair. I was searching for some prospective new ones but now know I will never buy headphones again because they are all guilty of the unforgivable crime of not being this particular pair.

Presenting SUPERTRASHxFRENDS 18CT gold-plated, hand-crafted, real leather oh my god headphones because oh my god what can I say that will do these justice? Specs include a mic, volume and phone control for multi-tasking, but I’m pretty sure something this sexy will only play porn tracks.

Pizza rolls on the nightstand! Because nobody wants to stick their gold-plated headphones into a bag with their loose change, broken cigarettes and sticky candies, these headphones also come in a suave leather carry case, because at that price it should probably also come with an actual lion. But man but would I rock these.

Paperwallet - $17

Granted, by the time you’ve coughed up for the holidays you won’t have anything left to put inside this neat wallet, but that’s okay. It’s as much a statement as it is functional. I always feel weird giving money to someone for an item to put said money into. It’s like a…conundrum, or a metaphor, or whatever. Still, you can’t keep all your shit into a ziploc, and if you have to cough out for a wallet, you could do much worse than this quirky little Kickstart success.

Durable, eco-friendly and super smug, these lightweight paper wallets come in a huge choice of designs, but my recommendation is this Alexis Ziritt one. Skeletons are in for 2015, guys, I’m serious. We’re doing skeletons this year. Head on over to their site to check out all the cool choices. It’s worth mentioning that when you get bored of your purchase you can send your old one back and paperwallet will give you a coupon for 20% off a new design!

T-Res Fossil Mug - $9.99

No holiday gift list would be complete without the go-to-options for the people you don’t really know. I say that loosely, because I’ve written this entire article and I don’t know any of you. Everybody likes to drink things, right? And everybody likes containers to put the drinks that they drink into, right? Then this dinky dino ThinkGeek mug is perfect for you and literally everyone else you know!

Check out this extensive list of selling points from the creators of said mug:

Mug that looks like a T.rex fossil
His tail bones form the handle
Suitable for any liquid, not just coffee

So, in case you were worried, you can put anything in there. Even acid. It’s adorable!

ArtSnacks - Subscription

ArtSnacks is a cute little munchy box containing a bunch of art supplies that comes to your door once a month. Each box is a mystery, but usually contains around four or five different pieces of kit. It’s a great way to try out all of those different items without committing yourself to purchasing a full set. If you don’t like something, it’s all cool, you’ll get to try out different pieces next month.

ArtSnacks is available in almost every country, but there’s a $10 fee for shipping outside of the U.S. I consider living in America to be its own kind of tax, though, so it all works out in the end. It’s $20 for a single month with deductions on longer term subscriptions, and is a great gift for yourself or the artistic family member whose technique you haven’t bothered familiarizing yourself with.

It will most definitely help boost creativity because you’re pretty much obligated to test the contents out when they come through the mail. Everything is better through the mail.

Govy 2 Fifty Fifty Sunglasses – €209

Lol Freditor why are you wishing for sunglasses in winter

“They have stone in them, I think that’s awesome.”

…huh. That is pretty awesome.

Jelly Kit - $366

Okay, how cool is this? A desktop jellyfish tank that’ll give you something relaxing to gaze at for hours. After staring at your screen all day you can give yourself a break by drifting off into your very own mini abyss. With such a sleek tank design these little baby bubbles will become a gorgeous piece of live artwork for your workspace or home, plus they’re as low-maintenance as a regular small aquarium. If you’re capable of keeping a single goldfish alive, you won’t have to worry about the upkeep on these. The basic kit comes with a single non-stinging moon jellybaby and all it requires is your love (and feeding obviously).

The Jelly Kit comes with everything you need to house your new friend, and features a practically silent filtration system so you won’t have to worry about it distracting you or keeping you up at night. You can also change the colours via remote control. So cool!

I know you’re not supposed to buy pets at the holidays but I don’t think these count, and they’re so pretty everyone will forgive you anyway. Site notes you could also put a crab in with it, which would be kick ass.

Zombie Survival Kit - $569

Not really comfortable linking to a site called WeaponsWorld but this is a serious problem we need to think about and not just because we’ve been testing out a lot of apocalypse games here at CF.

The definitive three day Walk Out Kit from Zombie Apocalypse Products is one of the most compact and complete kits for surviving the apocalypse. It includes a whole bunch of shit to help you get through those tough first days of the end of the world, or like, off a mountain or something. Whatever you use it for I’m starting to think it’s definitely worth having something like this around in case of emergencies. It may just be my issues talking, and I may never actually leave my house, but I really don’t feel safe living a life unprepared anymore. I need a rucksack with a hatchet in it.

Leap Motion Controller – €89.99

I was looking around for the best touch screen to recommend to you, because touch screens are so Tomorrow and who doesn’t want to live in the future with all the flying cars and shit. I found one, but I’m not going to tell you what it is because mysteries and here’s something just as awesome, way more useful for multi-devices and like a fifth of the price of a single screen.

The Leap Motion Controller is a small USB device that plugs into your computer or laptop and monitors your hand movements to turn any screen into a touchless wonder. Play games, create art, surf the web, click things that you would normally click with a mouse…but with your fingers!! The Motion Controller boasts the most sensitive motion control technology currently out there, and while I don’t know if they’re bullshitting me, they sound totally pro so I’m going with it. This is one seriously cool little gadget that’ll make any workspace infinitely more fun (and possibly embarassing).

The Long Dark Review | Starving, Parched, & Freezing to Death

Freditor says games are totally a form of art so I’m going with it. I’m all tapped out for lookin’ at your artwork, guys. This is December. It’s the only month I can start drinking before 1pm without my family calling an intervention and I’m not wasting my precious NDIS time looking at black and white photographs of someone’s nipples. So stop asking.

Roll on what used to be someone else’s job until he asked for a wage.

Last week I played a game where I was one of the only few survivors left on the planet and this week I’m a little miffed you haven’t all died silently off-screen so that I can rifle through the burnt-out shells of your lives. In an effort to recreate the joy I experienced in what can only be described as the gold medal for being antisocial, I’ve been playing the single player modes of multiplayer apocalypse games.

One that particularly stood out to me was The Long Dark, an FP survival sim created by the indie Hinterland Studio, released for early access in September of this year. Only the sandbox mode is currently available, but since breathing is already a pointless activity, I was more than prepared to take it at current value.

Following the geomagnetic apocalypse, my plane went down in the only region currently available for play. Dropped in the middle of the northern wilderness with nothing but a backpack, rifling through it revealed medical supplies, a bedroll, 12 matches and something called a tinder plug. I don’t know what a tinder plug is. I’m probably going to die.

I briefly wonder how long a person can stand around in the snow without dying. I watched survival shows once. I forgot the dude’s name but he said if you fall into icy water you should get naked and rub yourself in snow. It doesn’t seem like the best advice but I’ve never had my own show so I guess I’ll just go with it if I ever run into that.

There is no health or stamina meter to tell me when I’m about to drop off so I have to estimate within the confines of my own ability. This is oddly realistic but without being able to, you know, actually feel what I’m feeling. I later find you’re notified if something concerning is happening, but after realising I’m already dehydrated, starving and freezing, I kind of wished I hadn’t.

There’s no HUD or compass to clutter up what is a particularly lovely design either. Instead, players must rely on landmarks and sense of direction to not get lost in the wilderness. Although this almost definitely ensures that I’m going to wander into the literal long dark, I think it gives the game a really wonderful sense of isolation. It also keeps things sleek and simplified which is unusual for a survivalist sim. It’s a rare treat not to be bombarded with a thousand shoddy repetitive textures and only compliments how gorgeous the in-game art is.

Spying a set of train tracks in the snow, I follow them until I spy a cabin to my right and sprint over before heading inside. After lifting everything that’s not nailed down I head upstairs to make a fire. On my way up I notice a corpse and peel off his thermal underwear because, uhh…
As I’m putting them on it briefly occurs to me that my plane went down a few hours ago when the event happened, but the guy I just looted has clearly been dead for ages. Not entirely sure what that’s about but whatever.

I melt some snow, drink it up and instantly contract dysentery. A quick check on google, and I am most likely going to die. Taking one of my two antibiotics because I’m not a doctor, I decide to skip the rest of the day and sleep until morning, where I wake up famished and ashamed. Hunger is measured by a calorie counter more accurate than a runway model, and my only source of food is in a can. Bashing it open, I’m informed I have spilled exactly 24% of it on myself in the process. I eat it cold because I don’t have the skills to start a fire. This game is brutal.

Outside again, and halfway down the tracks I realise I’m in the middle of a blizzard. Natural weather also factors into your survivability here, and it is at this point where I finally realise that I am definitely going to die. The only point to this sandbox is to see how long I can go before that happens.

I’m not complaining. I’ve played open games with less of a point than this (as anyone who has played literally any amount of time in The Sims will confirm). For a game where each second ticks away until you’re eventually blitzed by a wolf or starve to death, it’s surprisingly soothing. It’s probably the clean design and unblemished acres of snow talking but so far The Long Dark has been a pretty, enjoyable and relaxing experience.

Oddly enough, it hits me that the in-game characters are voiced by both Shepards from the Mass Effect series. At first glance I thought this game would be nothing more than a quick-play treat, but perhaps that’s only because of early access. With two notable talents on the script, I could almost believe that when the story mode is released it’ll actually be something really interesting – even if it is only available as a male character. Bleh.

Following the tracks onward, I pass a frozen deer carcass which I’m told I lack any tools to harvest. I’m starving, parched, and freezing despite my stolen long-johns. Crossing over a bridge takes me to a place the game informs me is a hydro-dam. I head inside out of the cold and instantly begin looting. A shelf contains more antibiotics to replace what I wasted on trying to cure dysentery, and I also find some ammunition. For want of a gun to put my ammo in, seconds later I resort to throwing the bullets at the wolf which tears me to pieces. I am now actually dead.

The game informs me I survived for nineteen hours, and even knowing I slept for most of that, I’m not disappointed. Considering most of The Long Dark isn’t even available yet, you’d be impressed how a game with absolutely no goal but to not die quite yet could be enjoyable. Once survivor AI and co-op options are included, this could really be a fun little package for you and some friends to bash to death and roast over an old stove. Or maybe you could bash them to death, I think they’re offering player treachery as a selling point on their website.

The Long Dark is currently available on Steam for £14.99, but will most definitely go up in price once early access finishes: http://store.steampowered.com/app/305620/

Hinterland Studio inc.
The Long Dark’s Game website.

Fading Memories / Fashion Photography by Yane Mode

The story of a glorious woman who vanished into the mists of time whereas the brilliant shines left only fading memories behinds. She believe memory believes before knowing remembers .She keeps seeking the linkage between her passed pieces and present zone in balance to her innocent nature. She drove down her 1960’s vintage bug to download with her favorite red fish tail dress while she needs a bit of quite before enter the opening reception cause as soon as she knows being in the center of attention will again reminds her the conflicts of her true identity and the social appearance.

Continue reading Fading Memories / Fashion Photography by Yane Mode

Pause Designs – I LOVE IT AND I DON’T KNOW WHY

Pause Designs – I LOVE IT AND I DON’T KNOW WHY
I’m having a moment today. I get a lot of submissions, so I see a lot of random, pointless shit, but never before has something so transcended the path of having-a-point that it came out the other side in some sort of mental death ray. SHOOOOOM!

Continue reading Pause Designs – I LOVE IT AND I DON’T KNOW WHY

The Ultimate Halloween Art Roundup

Halloween is one of my favourite times of year and not because it is a very good excuse to dress up as an adult, get drunk, and act like a blathering idiot. Halloween represents an interesting marker that helps the transition from Summer to Winter. That energy right between those two seasons is captured in the sheer creativity that surrounds Halloween.All around the world people carve pumpkins, create costumes from scratch, and use the holiday as an inspiration for their artwork. Below is a roundup of the very best from people who channeled the energy of Halloween into fun and creative ideas.