I’m not even kidding when I say people have been hassling me about the 2014 Holiday Gift Guide since like, last year. I thought the whole thing was a waste of time since by the time we put it up it was already way too late to buy anything on it. That said, despite all the harassment, somehow I only remembered about it yesterday.
I’ll be honest and admit that I’m not really soaking in any of those product placement emails they keep throwing at me. While some people seem to have been expecting a carefully sourced guide to all things hip in 2015, what you’re actually getting is more of a CF personal Letter to Santa.
Happy Holidays everybody! Maybe next year try offering me samples. <3
The Buddha Board – $34.95
The Buddha Board teaches you the state of transcience by lapping up anything you paint on it. Dip the included bamboo brush into the water tray stand and let your creative side go free on the special surface, knowing any failures – and masterpieces – will fade away over time like the love in your parent’s relationship.
It seems pretty nifty and it would look super classy on your desktop, but I’m a little conflicted about buying this one. Considering anything you draw on the board vanishes, this is thirty-five dollars you’re pretty much just wafting up into the air, but then I guess that’s why I’m not a Buddhist. It definitely beats the hell out of a USB vacuum cleaner though, and I guess you could always snap a picture if you’re really pleased with your work, but that would probably defeat the purpose.
Priced at $34.95, the site states the Buddha Board will ‘gently encourage’ you to value the present, which is kind of like a debt letter, only you have something nice to show for it afterwards. You can also buy little pebbles to put in your water tray for added peace of mind! Maybe get a tiny fish.
Supertrash 18CT Lion’s Head Headphones – €219.95
Freditor showed me an utterly bitchin’ pair of headphones the other day and it got me thinking about my bargain bucket pair. I was searching for some prospective new ones but now know I will never buy headphones again because they are all guilty of the unforgivable crime of not being this particular pair.
Presenting SUPERTRASHxFRENDS 18CT gold-plated, hand-crafted, real leather oh my god headphones because oh my god what can I say that will do these justice? Specs include a mic, volume and phone control for multi-tasking, but I’m pretty sure something this sexy will only play porn tracks.
Pizza rolls on the nightstand! Because nobody wants to stick their gold-plated headphones into a bag with their loose change, broken cigarettes and sticky candies, these headphones also come in a suave leather carry case, because at that price it should probably also come with an actual lion. But man but would I rock these.
Paperwallet – $17
Granted, by the time you’ve coughed up for the holidays you won’t have anything left to put inside this neat wallet, but that’s okay. It’s as much a statement as it is functional. I always feel weird giving money to someone for an item to put said money into. It’s like a…conundrum, or a metaphor, or whatever. Still, you can’t keep all your shit into a ziploc, and if you have to cough out for a wallet, you could do much worse than this quirky little Kickstart success.
Durable, eco-friendly and super smug, these lightweight paper wallets come in a huge choice of designs, but my recommendation is this Alexis Ziritt one. Skeletons are in for 2015, guys, I’m serious. We’re doing skeletons this year. Head on over to their site to check out all the cool choices. It’s worth mentioning that when you get bored of your purchase you can send your old one back and paperwallet will give you a coupon for 20% off a new design!
T-Res Fossil Mug – $9.99
No holiday gift list would be complete without the go-to-options for the people you don’t really know. I say that loosely, because I’ve written this entire article and I don’t know any of you. Everybody likes to drink things, right? And everybody likes containers to put the drinks that they drink into, right? Then this dinky dino ThinkGeek mug is perfect for you and literally everyone else you know!
Check out this extensive list of selling points from the creators of said mug:
- Mug that looks like a T.rex fossil
- His tail bones form the handle
- Suitable for any liquid, not just coffee
So, in case you were worried, you can put anything in there. Even acid. It’s adorable!
ArtSnacks – Subscription
ArtSnacks is a cute little munchy box containing a bunch of art supplies that comes to your door once a month. Each box is a mystery, but usually contains around four or five different pieces of kit. It’s a great way to try out all of those different items without committing yourself to purchasing a full set. If you don’t like something, it’s all cool, you’ll get to try out different pieces next month.
ArtSnacks is available in almost every country, but there’s a $10 fee for shipping outside of the U.S. I consider living in America to be its own kind of tax, though, so it all works out in the end. It’s $20 for a single month with deductions on longer term subscriptions, and is a great gift for yourself or the artistic family member whose technique you haven’t bothered familiarizing yourself with.
It will most definitely help boost creativity because you’re pretty much obligated to test the contents out when they come through the mail. Everything is better through the mail.
Lol Freditor why are you wishing for sunglasses in winter
“They have stone in them, I think that’s awesome.”
…huh. That is pretty awesome.
Jelly Kit – $366
Okay, how cool is this? A desktop jellyfish tank that’ll give you something relaxing to gaze at for hours. After staring at your screen all day you can give yourself a break by drifting off into your very own mini abyss. With such a sleek tank design these little baby bubbles will become a gorgeous piece of live artwork for your workspace or home, plus they’re as low-maintenance as a regular small aquarium. If you’re capable of keeping a single goldfish alive, you won’t have to worry about the upkeep on these. The basic kit comes with a single non-stinging moon jellybaby and all it requires is your love (and feeding obviously).
The Jelly Kit comes with everything you need to house your new friend, and features a practically silent filtration system so you won’t have to worry about it distracting you or keeping you up at night. You can also change the colours via remote control. So cool!
I know you’re not supposed to buy pets at the holidays but I don’t think these count, and they’re so pretty everyone will forgive you anyway. Site notes you could also put a crab in with it, which would be kick ass.
Zombie Survival Kit – $569
Not really comfortable linking to a site called WeaponsWorld but this is a serious problem we need to think about and not just because we’ve been testing out a lot of apocalypse games here at CF.
The definitive three day Walk Out Kit from Zombie Apocalypse Products is one of the most compact and complete kits for surviving the apocalypse. It includes a whole bunch of shit to help you get through those tough first days of the end of the world, or like, off a mountain or something. Whatever you use it for I’m starting to think it’s definitely worth having something like this around in case of emergencies. It may just be my issues talking, and I may never actually leave my house, but I really don’t feel safe living a life unprepared anymore. I need a rucksack with a hatchet in it.
Leap Motion Controller – €89.99
I was looking around for the best touch screen to recommend to you, because touch screens are so Tomorrow and who doesn’t want to live in the future with all the flying cars and shit. I found one, but I’m not going to tell you what it is because mysteries and here’s something just as awesome, way more useful for multi-devices and like a fifth of the price of a single screen.
The Leap Motion Controller is a small USB device that plugs into your computer or laptop and monitors your hand movements to turn any screen into a touchless wonder. Play games, create art, surf the web, click things that you would normally click with a mouse…but with your fingers!! The Motion Controller boasts the most sensitive motion control technology currently out there, and while I don’t know if they’re bullshitting me, they sound totally pro so I’m going with it. This is one seriously cool little gadget that’ll make any workspace infinitely more fun (and possibly embarassing).