Ah, Autumn. Or Fall, as you yanks call it. It’s nearing that time of year again when we can go digging out the warm outfits and start preparing ourselves for the inevitable onslaught of wet leaves. It also means several short months have passed, so you ladies had better go out and get entirely new wardrobes. I’m not big on fashion. The only thing I love more than money is not being naked. Barely. However, for some reason the Fluff has decided that I am the best person to talk to you about the new Stella McCartney Autumn collection.
Really? Well, alright.
As the insides of our houses remain relatively the same all year round, buying fancy new threads will help us transition to the changing climate. We must dress to mirror the season! Cue heavy fabrics in browns and reds to make us feel warm and toasty as we watch the last slivers of summer die away. Also, apparently, the last slivers of feminine curves.
I have to say, it’s going to be a bleak Fall for everybody. I have growing suspicions that the latest trend is awkward and angular, and vaguely resembles a tent.
You thought I was exaggerating, didn’t you?
Judging from her new collection,Â Â Stella McCartneyÂ has taken it upon herself to conceal women everywhere. McCartney clothes women like dust sheets cover furniture. Her collection seems predominantly made of oversized sweaters, oversized lapels, oversized dresses and oversized sleeves.
This is all well and good for when a woman reaches a certain age and doesn’t want to run around in a catsuit anymore, but I have to wonder if people are really going to be buying into this trend. As far as I can tell, the age demographic this particular collection is aimed at are the very women who already rid themselves of this same style years prior.
It’s a retro design recovered straight from the decades that McCartney’s father is so famous for. It’s a throwback to a time when you could get away with wearing a blanket with holes cut out of it. You could get away with anything back then. Everybody was high.
All fashions eventually come around again, and each time they do the designers have to take it just a little bit further into absurdity. If the above jacket is anything to go by, a few decades from now we’ll be wearing cardboard boxes with the buttons drawn on.
I was told to be constructive…but is that a poncho? Again? Damn it.
I wanted to talk about the colours. I wanted to talk about the patterns and the fabrics. I wanted to talk about the shape and flow and symmetry and all sorts of other dressy things that I’m not qualified to comment on. All of this was overshadowed by the irregular cuts which I simply cannot look past. They are so sharp, so in-your-face, that it’s nearly impossible to notice what are some undoubtedly fine items of clothing. The isometric shapes and stark symmetrical patterns where bold colours like rich fir greens, luxurious creams and black contrast against each in her knitted items and casual dresses make for fashion statements themselves. Yet these genuinely stylish articles are hidden underneath the huge heavy drapes like an embarrassed coffee table.
This chintzy little party piece and delightfully fitted grey dress prove that new is not always better. These classic styles are both elegant and functional.
In an effort to revamp classic fashion pieces I can’t help but feel disappointed by the result. The blazers, woollen dresses and heavy jackets, all timeless go-to pieces which have sufficed for years have suddenly become novelty pieces in Stella’s collection. These styles aren’t ready to wear. They aren’t high street fashion. They look as if they’re still in the silly catwalk stage of production.
This particular rework has gone several metres of fabric too far and displays a lack of consideration for the average customer that rings out as pretentious and uncaring.
Still, for those of you that want to jump on this cosy retro bandwagon without looking like some kind of tan cyborg, hope is not lost! The Autumn styles from Zara are following along the same train of thought but without the kooky embellishments. Head to page 2 for a gander at getting it right.